Despite the Darkness: 23 months

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

23 months

Today is the 4th. 23 months. 1 month short of a year. It's been almost 2 years since Greg died and the pain still cuts me in half - like a sword - clear through my bones - I bleed tears.

I still don't understand. I'll never understand.

I looked in the mirror today - it doesn't happen often - and all I could see were purple circles under sad eyes. Is that who I've become?

I don't have the energy today to be more.

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My son died on July 4, 2017 - 4 days before his 44th birthday. He hanged himself in the workshop behind his house.

Greg was addicted to drugs. He took all kinds of drugs. I'd like to think it started with prescription medication he took for his back, but I think that's a mother's delusion. I think he's taken drugs for many years, but his addiction has been obvious for the past two years. I would like to think that the hanging was due to drugs taken that morning, but whether he took them that morning or not, drugs were the cause of his death.

I hope to chronicle the first year of this journey for me - in hopes that someone, somewhere might find it helpful and know that they are not alone.