Despite the Darkness: Beyond the first year

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Beyond the first year

I thought the first year would be the worst year. I was wrong.

I thought if I got past Greg's birthday the first year... his boys' birthdays... Thanksgiving... Christmas... Father's Day... all of those "firsts"... I thought I'd be okay. Maybe the next year wouldn't be quite as bad. I knew it would still hurt, but maybe it wouldn't hurt quite as much. Maybe I'd have just the slightest room to breathe. I was wrong.

The first year was just the beginning of forever.

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My son died on July 4, 2017 - 4 days before his 44th birthday. He hanged himself in the workshop behind his house.

Greg was addicted to drugs. He took all kinds of drugs. I'd like to think it started with prescription medication he took for his back, but I think that's a mother's delusion. I think he's taken drugs for many years, but his addiction has been obvious for the past two years. I would like to think that the hanging was due to drugs taken that morning, but whether he took them that morning or not, drugs were the cause of his death.

I hope to chronicle the first year of this journey for me - in hopes that someone, somewhere might find it helpful and know that they are not alone.