... can't trust that day (according to the Mamas and Papas).
I agree. I'm all over the place today.
If you don't know... Facebook occasionally puts together random pictures in a collage - then they title the collage and suggest you share it as a post. Usually, the pictures are pretty random, but today Facebook combined a picture (at the top of the collage) of Greg and his sons from about 10 years ago, a picture of the beautiful work area that Greg created for us (on the lower left) and the picture of Psalm 91:4, that I posted after Greg died (on the lower right).
I felt like someone threw ice water in my face - it was so UNrandom, that it took my breath away when I saw it. I "shared" it, but, at first, I wasn't sure if I could leave it up - it was so hard to look at. I stared at it - stared at it - and sobbed. Greg loved his boys. He was his best self with his sons. They need the father he used to be.
I took a few breaths and decided to leave it up. It felt... "intentional" (if that makes any sense). Someone wrote on the post:
"Jane, this was a message from God to let you know; "Don't worry, Mother... behold your son. Now he is in your Father's arms..."
I found it helpful - comforting.
In the gaps between the anguish of my loss, I'm grateful that Greg has no more pain - no more sorrow. I don't quite understand that whole concept, but I believe it's true. I believe that someday it will make perfect sense when "we know as we are known" (1 Corinthians 13:12). Until then... I think have to rely on "faith".
Just about the time I "got it together" and started today's bracelets to be shipped, I received a message from one of Greg's high school teachers telling me that she loved the Facebook post - loved Greg - and she thanked me for having the "courage and strength" to share the collage. I was gone again - wiped out - folded over in tears. The collage was hard to post. I have felt anything but strong and/or courageous today or at any time in the past 2+ months.
Bracelets made, I was physically tired (too many games in the extreme heat on Sunday - even with oxygen) and emotionally tired. Poor Michael - 2nd (3rd? 4th?) day in a row that dinner was beyond me. I didn't care if I ate or not.
Tomorrow, I have laser surgery on my eye at 7:00 in the morning - and so I decided to do the bathing thing tonight and save time in the morning.
Candles are "out" for me since I'm using oxygen... so I use a small battery-operated lantern when I take a bath at night. Sitting on the side of the bathtub, in the soft glow of the lantern - the gentle sound of running water, the only sound, the day caught
So many tears today - so much energy used. I'm exhausted - depleted.
Heartbroken.
I agree. I'm all over the place today.
If you don't know... Facebook occasionally puts together random pictures in a collage - then they title the collage and suggest you share it as a post. Usually, the pictures are pretty random, but today Facebook combined a picture (at the top of the collage) of Greg and his sons from about 10 years ago, a picture of the beautiful work area that Greg created for us (on the lower left) and the picture of Psalm 91:4, that I posted after Greg died (on the lower right).
I felt like someone threw ice water in my face - it was so UNrandom, that it took my breath away when I saw it. I "shared" it, but, at first, I wasn't sure if I could leave it up - it was so hard to look at. I stared at it - stared at it - and sobbed. Greg loved his boys. He was his best self with his sons. They need the father he used to be.
I took a few breaths and decided to leave it up. It felt... "intentional" (if that makes any sense). Someone wrote on the post:
"Jane, this was a message from God to let you know; "Don't worry, Mother... behold your son. Now he is in your Father's arms..."
I found it helpful - comforting.
In the gaps between the anguish of my loss, I'm grateful that Greg has no more pain - no more sorrow. I don't quite understand that whole concept, but I believe it's true. I believe that someday it will make perfect sense when "we know as we are known" (1 Corinthians 13:12). Until then... I think have to rely on "faith".
Just about the time I "got it together" and started today's bracelets to be shipped, I received a message from one of Greg's high school teachers telling me that she loved the Facebook post - loved Greg - and she thanked me for having the "courage and strength" to share the collage. I was gone again - wiped out - folded over in tears. The collage was hard to post. I have felt anything but strong and/or courageous today or at any time in the past 2+ months.
Bracelets made, I was physically tired (too many games in the extreme heat on Sunday - even with oxygen) and emotionally tired. Poor Michael - 2nd (3rd? 4th?) day in a row that dinner was beyond me. I didn't care if I ate or not.
Tomorrow, I have laser surgery on my eye at 7:00 in the morning - and so I decided to do the bathing thing tonight and save time in the morning.
Candles are "out" for me since I'm using oxygen... so I use a small battery-operated lantern when I take a bath at night. Sitting on the side of the bathtub, in the soft glow of the lantern - the gentle sound of running water, the only sound, the day caught
So many tears today - so much energy used. I'm exhausted - depleted.
Heartbroken.
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