What's a grief hangover???

Tuesday is therapy day - usually.  Next week it's going to be Thursday, but this week - and most weeks - it's Tuesday.

I woke up feeling not-so-great, but physically that's not altogether surprising.  I've been dealing with this autoimmune disease for over 15 years and I've learned to make feeling better a decision - like a fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of thing.  If I give in to the 'not-so-great' when my feet hit the floor, I'm doomed for the day.  I'm not giving in to this thing.


Sometimes, though, I fake it so well, that I fake myself out - and in spite of the physical (and mental) clues, I just keep on smiling and keep on pushing and I convince myself I'm good.  Today was such a day.  Let me explain...

I woke up - told myself that I'm fine - I just need to get moving.  I took a bath - dried my hair - did the whole makeup thing, and got dressed  (and it only took about two hours).  See?  I'm good.

We had a new person start working with us this morning, so I hopped (???) on to the chair glide and sailed downstairs to say "hi".  (See how good I am?)   I made a couple of bracelets, cleaned up my work table some, and it was time to go see Dr. Woowoo.

I arrived at her building, unloaded my scooter and went inside to the office.

Me, sitting down, checking my oxygen saturation:  "Hi XXX  (We're on a first name basis, but I don't think I should use it here - maybe)!  It's Tuesday and it's not raining.  What's up with that??"

Woowoo, sitting down with her tablet and looking at me - like... really looking at me.:  "Are you okay?"

Me:  "Sure, I'm good. Why?"

Woowoo:  "You look like you might be having a grief hangover .

Me... looking at her with question marks in my eyes.

Woowoo:  It's like when you have a day or two that are really bad and then the next day isn't as bad, but you feel like you have a hangover.  That's a grief hangover."

Me, shrugging:  "Yesterday was bad.  It was two months yesterday since Greg died. Yesterday was full of pain and sorrow.  In fact, it started on Sunday - awful day.  I couldn't seem to get it together for very long - no sleep Sunday night. I couldn't figure out why it was such a rough day (and night).

It didn't take long yesterday to realize it was the 4th of September - two months.  The instability and sleeplessness made better sense to me then.  I think it was subconscious anticipation.  Maybe.  I don't know.  But... yesterday was rough.  I'm better today."

Woowoo:  "Okay, but check in with yourself (makes me laugh every time she says it) and see where you are."

So... blah blah... chat chat... we covered some difficult areas and I discovered things I hadn't seen before... good for me... chat chat... blah blah

Done.

Woowoo walked me out to the car (she does hat often) and when we walked out the door, she looked at my car and asked in surprise, "Did you leave your lights on?"

As I got closer to the car, I looked at her, laughed, and said, "Better than that. I left the car running the entire time I was in your office.  That's a first for me.  Thankfully, I remembered to lock it."

Woowoo looked concerned.  

I proceeded to the back of the car to load the scooter.  Woowoo came with me and I found myself thinking... "Hmmm. Maybe I'm not so good after all."

I know Woowoo hated to see me leave, but we both had to go.

You know what?  Maybe I'm not good at all today.  In fact, I think I'm having a grief hangover.

Live and learn.