Not all surprises are bad

Life happens in spite of loss.  Even days that I'd like to stop the earth from turning (like today), life keeps on happening. 

I made it to 5-year-old football this morning at 9:00am.  At the game, my oldest son offered Michael and me tickets to the Phillies game tonight - great seats - second level.  Can I go?  Am I able to go to a baseball game with - mobility scooter - oxygen?  I don't know.  It's been years since I've gone to a Phillies game.  It was hard then.  My health is worse now than it was then (although I refuse to quantify how much worse).

Sleep timer

Often I find that I can't completely judge the impact of the day until it's dark - and quiet.  Then all of the images and feelings that I didn't have time to process during the day, come in like a flood and  I can't sleep.

I'm hoping that we can find something to listen to until we go to sleep - something peaceful - quiet - restful - that will occupy the silence and help me get to sleep.

We've tried leaving the television on for an hour - like a sleep timer thing.  That doesn't work - too much light.   Then we tried listening to one of our Pandora stations on the television - again with a sleep timer set for an hour.  We both found ourselves too involved in the music.

So, now we're listening to a "soothing music and sea sounds" channel that I just created on Pandora.  It's working a whole lot better than the silence, but it's still not right.

Lack of sleep is becoming a huge issue that affects every part of my life.

I need to sleep.

Tears in Heaven

I remember when I first heard this song after Eric Clapton's son died.  I could feel the sorrow in the song - and now I share that sorrow.  Every day.

Today I'm thinking about all the people who have lost a child, and feel unable to express their grief.  I'm grateful for musicians and poets - songwriters and storytellers - who can express our grief when we cannot. 

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Plant Hangers Plus

A few years ago, Greg made a plant hanger for his house with his sons' initials on it.  He liked it so much, he made three for me - one for each of my sons - with the initials of each of their children.  (I think he also made one for each of his brothers with their children's initials.)  The plant hangers are attached to the left sides of the white posts that hold up the roof on my porch.

This is the one for Greg's family that shows better how they looked on the post:

It's everywhere

About a week ago, I was looking for something to read - something light - no mysteries - no murders - no drama - light.  So I checked on Amazon for Kindle freebies and found a book called "The Beach House" by Mary Alice Monroe - a Harlequin book.   I read some of the description - sounded pretty good - it got 4.5 stars on Amazon.  It said it was about a young woman far removed from the beach who reunites with her mother at the beach house.

Monday, Monday

... can't trust that day  (according to the Mamas and Papas).

I agree.  I'm all over the place today.

If you don't know... Facebook occasionally puts together random pictures in a collage - then they title the collage and suggest you share it as a post.  Usually, the pictures are pretty random, but today Facebook combined a picture (at the top of the collage) of Greg and his sons from about 10 years ago, a picture of the beautiful work area that Greg created for us (on the lower left)  and the picture of Psalm 91:4, that I posted after Greg died (on the lower right).

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

If only it had been enough.

When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes, I'll dry them all (all)
I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you (ooo)
I'll take your part, oh, when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh, if you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind