Better day today. Better doesn't necessarily mean "good". At the moment "better" means "able to function on some level". Tomorrow that definition might change. That's how I roll at the moment.
I got almost 4 hours of sleep last night - possibly a record high. I'm sure that's the biggest contribution to my "better" day.
I woke up - took a bath - dried my hair - and then for the first time in about three weeks, I was able to do 15 minutes of "chair walking".
When I was rejected from Pulmonary Rehab, a wonderful therapist there gave me some things to do in the hopes that by late spring, I might qualify for the program. If not, I will at least be able to do more then than I can now. One of the exercises is to sit in a chair and march or walk for 15 minutes - working up to twice a day.
I haven't been able to even attempt this since October 4th - the three-month anniversary of Greg's death. I lost it that day - hoped I'd recover in a day or two - but it didn't happen. I've been shocked at how long and how deep the depression has been since that day. It has definitely taken a toll on my health.
But today I was able to "chair walk" - and I'm grateful. I'll take it.
To make the day even better, I received a text from my oldest son, asking if I had time for lunch today. It's been a while since we've had much opportunity to talk. He's been putting in a lot of hours at work - chasing three kids who all play sports - crazy busy. I was delighted that he had time for lunch.
He only works about 2.5 miles from my house, so I usually pick him up outside of where he works so that he doesn't have to walk to the parking garage, get his car, and then meet me somewhere. It gives us ten extra minutes if I pick him up - plus, if I need help with parking, he's there to help.
It was 64 degrees and sunny when I picked him up - my favorite kind of weather - and his. We decided to go to Joe's Crab Shack and eat outside on their deck. It was a great decision. What a beautiful day - and great company!
We talked about what was going on in his life - why work is so busy - how great his kids are. It was so good to talk about life - and living - hope - and love.
I haven't had the opportunity to tell him about what's been going on with me. I hate to - but I need to - because I love him and he needs to know - because I'm afraid that I'm not going to make it and someone needs to know.
I managed to get him up-to-date with a minimum of tears. He listens - he really listens - and he gets it. That means more to me than he can possibly know. I thought I might die without anyone but Michael knowing - just... knowing.
Home to make bracelets and then Michael and I went to get picture frames for an earring display. (If it works, at some point I may post a picture here). By the time we picked out the frames - I was finished for the day. Time to go home and crash.
I am grateful for the day - grateful for the time with my son - grateful for another flash of light in the darkness.
Thank you!
I got almost 4 hours of sleep last night - possibly a record high. I'm sure that's the biggest contribution to my "better" day.
I woke up - took a bath - dried my hair - and then for the first time in about three weeks, I was able to do 15 minutes of "chair walking".
When I was rejected from Pulmonary Rehab, a wonderful therapist there gave me some things to do in the hopes that by late spring, I might qualify for the program. If not, I will at least be able to do more then than I can now. One of the exercises is to sit in a chair and march or walk for 15 minutes - working up to twice a day.
I haven't been able to even attempt this since October 4th - the three-month anniversary of Greg's death. I lost it that day - hoped I'd recover in a day or two - but it didn't happen. I've been shocked at how long and how deep the depression has been since that day. It has definitely taken a toll on my health.
But today I was able to "chair walk" - and I'm grateful. I'll take it.
To make the day even better, I received a text from my oldest son, asking if I had time for lunch today. It's been a while since we've had much opportunity to talk. He's been putting in a lot of hours at work - chasing three kids who all play sports - crazy busy. I was delighted that he had time for lunch.
He only works about 2.5 miles from my house, so I usually pick him up outside of where he works so that he doesn't have to walk to the parking garage, get his car, and then meet me somewhere. It gives us ten extra minutes if I pick him up - plus, if I need help with parking, he's there to help.
It was 64 degrees and sunny when I picked him up - my favorite kind of weather - and his. We decided to go to Joe's Crab Shack and eat outside on their deck. It was a great decision. What a beautiful day - and great company!
We talked about what was going on in his life - why work is so busy - how great his kids are. It was so good to talk about life - and living - hope - and love.
I haven't had the opportunity to tell him about what's been going on with me. I hate to - but I need to - because I love him and he needs to know - because I'm afraid that I'm not going to make it and someone needs to know.
I managed to get him up-to-date with a minimum of tears. He listens - he really listens - and he gets it. That means more to me than he can possibly know. I thought I might die without anyone but Michael knowing - just... knowing.
Home to make bracelets and then Michael and I went to get picture frames for an earring display. (If it works, at some point I may post a picture here). By the time we picked out the frames - I was finished for the day. Time to go home and crash.
I am grateful for the day - grateful for the time with my son - grateful for another flash of light in the darkness.
Thank you!
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