Busy day yesterday - no time to write until last night- and by evening I could barely think, let alone write. I had a meltdown that was more physical than emotional. I don't even know how to describe it. I wasn't entirely present for most of the evening.
I could see and hear the television, but I remember very little of what was on. I could hear Michael talking to me, but I couldn't understand the words. It was frightening. I thought I was headed for the hospital and remember telling Michael that I was afraid that if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't get out.
I looked in the bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth and was shocked to see two black eyes staring back at me. The circles under my eyes were dark purple and red - nothing I had ever seen in myself before.
I'm not sure what happened. It was a busy day, but I've had busy days before. I just don't know. Was it just physical? Is anything right now - just physical? It felt like I pushed myself beyond what I was able to do - and my body (and mind) just... quit.
Today is better. My first conscious thought was gratitude that my brain was functioning.
Chelsea's friend (let's call her Kelly) was here today with her baby boy. Our business helper (let's call her Simone) worked today with Michael. There were bracelets to make and a note to be written and sent with each bracelet. There was a nice steady buzz in the house. It was busy - but a quiet busy.
I tried to pay more attention to how I was feeling - rested when I needed to - stopped when it was time to stop.
We took Chelsea out for dinner and by the time we got home, I had hit a wall and I was finished for the night, but okay.
Tomorrow is the 4th of the month - 3 months since Greg died. Could any of this be connected?
I could see and hear the television, but I remember very little of what was on. I could hear Michael talking to me, but I couldn't understand the words. It was frightening. I thought I was headed for the hospital and remember telling Michael that I was afraid that if I went to the hospital, I wouldn't get out.
I looked in the bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth and was shocked to see two black eyes staring back at me. The circles under my eyes were dark purple and red - nothing I had ever seen in myself before.
I'm not sure what happened. It was a busy day, but I've had busy days before. I just don't know. Was it just physical? Is anything right now - just physical? It felt like I pushed myself beyond what I was able to do - and my body (and mind) just... quit.
Today is better. My first conscious thought was gratitude that my brain was functioning.
Chelsea's friend (let's call her Kelly) was here today with her baby boy. Our business helper (let's call her Simone) worked today with Michael. There were bracelets to make and a note to be written and sent with each bracelet. There was a nice steady buzz in the house. It was busy - but a quiet busy.
I tried to pay more attention to how I was feeling - rested when I needed to - stopped when it was time to stop.
We took Chelsea out for dinner and by the time we got home, I had hit a wall and I was finished for the night, but okay.
Tomorrow is the 4th of the month - 3 months since Greg died. Could any of this be connected?
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