The medication helped with the pictures in my head last night. I didn't sleep much, but the wakefulness was not because of nightmares.
The images from yesterday are still there, but not as bright - or strong. They've faded a little, but they're still there.
I'm trying to get to a place where I'm grateful for the almost 44 years that we had Greg, but I'm not even close to being there.
My life is richer, better, happier for having him those years. There are times I ask myself if I would be better off if he hadn't been born - and therefore didn't die so young - Then I wouldn't have to feel this crushing pain. I wouldn't have to wish God had taken me instead of him. This is the first time I've followed that thought all the way through.
The answer is...
I will gratefully suffer this pain for the privilege of Greg's presence in my life for 44 years - for the chance to see all the good in Greg - his kindness - his compassion - the deep love he had for his children - his creativity and inventiveness - to experience his love and his friendship. Greg and I were close - he 'got' me and I 'got' him.
I've heard people say after a loved one died... "I didn't get a chance to tell him I loved him." I've known people who were estranged from their loved one and weren't sure where they stood with that loved one.
Not here. I loved him beyond beyond and I knew that he felt the same about me. No doubts.
In my head... I'm grateful for the time he was here... but I'll have to be patient with my heart.
The images from yesterday are still there, but not as bright - or strong. They've faded a little, but they're still there.
I'm trying to get to a place where I'm grateful for the almost 44 years that we had Greg, but I'm not even close to being there.
My life is richer, better, happier for having him those years. There are times I ask myself if I would be better off if he hadn't been born - and therefore didn't die so young - Then I wouldn't have to feel this crushing pain. I wouldn't have to wish God had taken me instead of him. This is the first time I've followed that thought all the way through.
The answer is...
I will gratefully suffer this pain for the privilege of Greg's presence in my life for 44 years - for the chance to see all the good in Greg - his kindness - his compassion - the deep love he had for his children - his creativity and inventiveness - to experience his love and his friendship. Greg and I were close - he 'got' me and I 'got' him.
I've heard people say after a loved one died... "I didn't get a chance to tell him I loved him." I've known people who were estranged from their loved one and weren't sure where they stood with that loved one.
Not here. I loved him beyond beyond and I knew that he felt the same about me. No doubts.
In my head... I'm grateful for the time he was here... but I'll have to be patient with my heart.
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