I don't feel like doing this tonight. I've had enough "feeling" for today. But, if I don't want to do it, that's probably proof that I need to do it.
This morning was okay - then lunch with Richard - always good. Michael had a CT scan this afternoon at 3:30, so we left the house around 3:00.
Richard texted me as we were leaving to tell me he was meeting someone at my house at 3:30 who was interested in the claw foot bathtub on my back porch. (They did buy it)
Yes... a cast iron claw foot bathtub on my porch.
I think Greg got it from a house that he was renovating in Philadelphia. I remember the day he brought it home (and put it on my back porch). He was really excited about it. He had at least three different plans for that bathtub - at least.
He was mega talented in so many areas. He was a builder - inventor - creator - and definitely an artist when it came to his work. He was able to create things that no one else could create (not just the opinion of his non-objective mother).
He began as a commercial roofer, but expanded his talents over the years to include more ways to "create" than I can name. I hope to share a few along the way. There are way too many for one journal entry.
At eighteen he started working for a commercial roofer and I guess he worked there almost 20 years. He was "let go" for reasons that made no sense to me at the time. Looking back, many of the 20+ year old dots are beginning to connect. He called me that day - in tears. I know they loved him there. It made no sense to me.
He knew that day why he was let go. He knew and it broke his heart. He carried the weight of the drugs - and the failure - and didn't feel he could share the whole truth with anyone. Half a truth is half a secret - and the secrets will eat you up. The secrets also isolate you and leave you feeling totally alone.
All the plans he had - all he wanted to be - never materialized the way he had hoped. I believe he was so tortured with the drug problem he couldn't control - and the disappointment that he was to himself - that he missed so much of the good - as a husband, a father, a son, and as a friend to anyone in need.
He was smart - funny - sweet - kind. He had a gentle spirit and a heart that loved everyone - except himself.
He was my precious son - and I weep tonight for his pain. He was loved - and he didn't have to be alone. I wish he had known. I miss him.
What started all these tears tonight?
It was the bathtub.
This morning was okay - then lunch with Richard - always good. Michael had a CT scan this afternoon at 3:30, so we left the house around 3:00.
Richard texted me as we were leaving to tell me he was meeting someone at my house at 3:30 who was interested in the claw foot bathtub on my back porch. (They did buy it)
Yes... a cast iron claw foot bathtub on my porch.
I think Greg got it from a house that he was renovating in Philadelphia. I remember the day he brought it home (and put it on my back porch). He was really excited about it. He had at least three different plans for that bathtub - at least.
He was mega talented in so many areas. He was a builder - inventor - creator - and definitely an artist when it came to his work. He was able to create things that no one else could create (not just the opinion of his non-objective mother).
He began as a commercial roofer, but expanded his talents over the years to include more ways to "create" than I can name. I hope to share a few along the way. There are way too many for one journal entry.
At eighteen he started working for a commercial roofer and I guess he worked there almost 20 years. He was "let go" for reasons that made no sense to me at the time. Looking back, many of the 20+ year old dots are beginning to connect. He called me that day - in tears. I know they loved him there. It made no sense to me.
He knew that day why he was let go. He knew and it broke his heart. He carried the weight of the drugs - and the failure - and didn't feel he could share the whole truth with anyone. Half a truth is half a secret - and the secrets will eat you up. The secrets also isolate you and leave you feeling totally alone.
All the plans he had - all he wanted to be - never materialized the way he had hoped. I believe he was so tortured with the drug problem he couldn't control - and the disappointment that he was to himself - that he missed so much of the good - as a husband, a father, a son, and as a friend to anyone in need.
He was smart - funny - sweet - kind. He had a gentle spirit and a heart that loved everyone - except himself.
He was my precious son - and I weep tonight for his pain. He was loved - and he didn't have to be alone. I wish he had known. I miss him.
What started all these tears tonight?
It was the bathtub.
No comments:
Post a Comment