Monday
Another difficult day. I'm trying.
I had a lunch date with a friend of Richard's - someone who's been a special friend of his since they were in school back in "the day" (let's call her Tammy). She is dear and sweet and someone I've cared about for years.
I wanted to go - to see her - talk with her - to remind her how much she's loved. My thoughts are scattered today - I'm having a hard time putting thoughts in order. Today I'm not able to put the numbers 1 through 10 in order.
I went anyway. She is kind and compassionate and expects nothing from me, but to be there. "I can do this," I reasoned.. Our time together was good. We're going to do it again soon. I hope I'll be at least a little better next time.
Made it home for a half hour to regroup and get ready to take my car in for a 30,000 mile service appointment.
I arrived at the dealership on time, talked with the assistant service manager, unloaded my scooter and headed for the waiting room - to - wait. I didn't want to be there. Who wants to sit in a car dealership waiting room and cry. Not me. Okay... I didn't sob - or get hysterical or anything, but there were tears and I wondered if I'd ever be able to go anywhere - do anything - without crying. Ever.
Home to pick up Michael and then across the street for a pizza and a salad - quick - easy - and most of all ----- done.
I was just about ready to lie down on the couch and take a 15 minute snooze, when Scott called. He had picked up Greg's boat from his house and wanted to stop for 10 minutes on his way home since he was so close. I was so happy to hear from him - and to have the chance to see him - hug him - tell him I love him.
We talked some - and I cried. *sigh* I'm so tired of crying, but it comes and goes and it's just the way it is. I don't want my kids to avoid me because I'm sad. I don't want to be a weight they have to carry.
Scott has been incredibly busy - he's working very hard to help Amy disassemble the physical mess that Greg left. There were trucks, a trailer, a boat, a car, a motorcycle and a garage that's more of a storage building than it is an actual garage. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him to be there and to go through Greg's things, to see how run-down and neglected everything is that he owned. I wish I had his courage.
I'm grateful that Scott is there for Amy and Greg's sons. Greg's kids need Scott's kindness and compassion - and presence. They need to see love in action - and Scott is the love they need.
To see Scott - to hug him - and be hugged by him - was something I needed even more than I knew. He mentioned the possibility of lunch tomorrow if I wouldn't mind traveling to where he lives (about 40 minutes away). I don't mind. Promise.
Maybe I'll sleep a little better tonight.
Another difficult day. I'm trying.
I had a lunch date with a friend of Richard's - someone who's been a special friend of his since they were in school back in "the day" (let's call her Tammy). She is dear and sweet and someone I've cared about for years.
I wanted to go - to see her - talk with her - to remind her how much she's loved. My thoughts are scattered today - I'm having a hard time putting thoughts in order. Today I'm not able to put the numbers 1 through 10 in order.
I went anyway. She is kind and compassionate and expects nothing from me, but to be there. "I can do this," I reasoned.. Our time together was good. We're going to do it again soon. I hope I'll be at least a little better next time.
Made it home for a half hour to regroup and get ready to take my car in for a 30,000 mile service appointment.
I arrived at the dealership on time, talked with the assistant service manager, unloaded my scooter and headed for the waiting room - to - wait. I didn't want to be there. Who wants to sit in a car dealership waiting room and cry. Not me. Okay... I didn't sob - or get hysterical or anything, but there were tears and I wondered if I'd ever be able to go anywhere - do anything - without crying. Ever.
Home to pick up Michael and then across the street for a pizza and a salad - quick - easy - and most of all ----- done.
I was just about ready to lie down on the couch and take a 15 minute snooze, when Scott called. He had picked up Greg's boat from his house and wanted to stop for 10 minutes on his way home since he was so close. I was so happy to hear from him - and to have the chance to see him - hug him - tell him I love him.
We talked some - and I cried. *sigh* I'm so tired of crying, but it comes and goes and it's just the way it is. I don't want my kids to avoid me because I'm sad. I don't want to be a weight they have to carry.
Scott has been incredibly busy - he's working very hard to help Amy disassemble the physical mess that Greg left. There were trucks, a trailer, a boat, a car, a motorcycle and a garage that's more of a storage building than it is an actual garage. I can't imagine how hard it must be for him to be there and to go through Greg's things, to see how run-down and neglected everything is that he owned. I wish I had his courage.
I'm grateful that Scott is there for Amy and Greg's sons. Greg's kids need Scott's kindness and compassion - and presence. They need to see love in action - and Scott is the love they need.
To see Scott - to hug him - and be hugged by him - was something I needed even more than I knew. He mentioned the possibility of lunch tomorrow if I wouldn't mind traveling to where he lives (about 40 minutes away). I don't mind. Promise.
Maybe I'll sleep a little better tonight.
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