Check

Haircut this morning - didn't feel like going - almost canceled, but that empty hour is no income for a person who was counting on that income, so I went.

I heard from them the week after Greg died.  They know.  What will they say?  How will I react?  I sure don't want to spend an hour crying in a hair salon.  I should have canceled early in the week.  I might have - if I could have seen that far ahead, but I couldn't think about Thursday on Monday.  It's hard to imagine I ever did.


I made it.  Haircut is over.  John and Karen both hugged me when I went in - I cried for 5 minutes - we moved on.   I made it back to the car before I cried again.  Done.

Bracelets to make so I gather the orders for today and tomorrow - make the ones for today and some that will ship tomorrow and then we're off to the Post Office - then dinner - and home.

Life right feels like a checklist.  I don't really live it - I just check it off - item by item - day by day.

Out of bed - check
Bath - check
Dry my hair - check
Get dressed - check

Next...

Morning medications - check (there have been days I've forgotten)
Food to take with meds - check

And so it goes throughout the day...

The time in between check marks is taken up with sadness, tears, busy work, thoughts that I want to write down, but I can't seem to do it.

Soon, though - or what's the point?

write it down - check it off
check - check - check
 
Do it again tomorrow.