Tuesday
Better today, but not much.
If Greg died of cancer, he would still be gone. But to hang himself? What a senseless, useless death. For someone who showed kindness every day - who sometimes got paid with old cars or useless junk because he helped someone with no money - who was capable of more compassion - more empathy - more forgiveness than anyone I've ever known - what a sorrowful, desperate way to die.
Was it preventable? It seems like it had to be preventable. But how? We'll never know. Is there something he needed from us that we didn't see - that we didn't give him? Is there a way we could have helped - and didn't? It seems that we all missed it.
I didn't just love him because he was my child. I loved spending time with him - sharing ideas with him - laughing with him - even crying with him (and we did that more than once).
I'm lost - and confused - filled with questions that will never be answered. How do I keep the questions from driving me crazy?
One of my doctors told me that he believes I'm only alive because of sheer will. I'm not sure that's true, but if it is, I'm tired - and I'm not sure I care any more.
Better today, but not much.
If Greg died of cancer, he would still be gone. But to hang himself? What a senseless, useless death. For someone who showed kindness every day - who sometimes got paid with old cars or useless junk because he helped someone with no money - who was capable of more compassion - more empathy - more forgiveness than anyone I've ever known - what a sorrowful, desperate way to die.
Was it preventable? It seems like it had to be preventable. But how? We'll never know. Is there something he needed from us that we didn't see - that we didn't give him? Is there a way we could have helped - and didn't? It seems that we all missed it.
I didn't just love him because he was my child. I loved spending time with him - sharing ideas with him - laughing with him - even crying with him (and we did that more than once).
I'm lost - and confused - filled with questions that will never be answered. How do I keep the questions from driving me crazy?
One of my doctors told me that he believes I'm only alive because of sheer will. I'm not sure that's true, but if it is, I'm tired - and I'm not sure I care any more.
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