Today was Beadfest. Beadfest is essentially a national jewelry trade show that comes once a year to the Philadelphia area - the largest of its kind. We have several vendors that we deal with who come to Beadfest every year and we love to go see them. We can pick up an order (saves shipping) and see what they have that's new and interesting - and catch up with the ones who have become friends. It's usually a fun day.
Well... this weekend is Beadfest and Saturday is the day we usually like to go.
I wasn't feeling my strongest this morning, but I didn't say anything to Michael. "We love Beadfest", I reminded myself.
It's about an hour drive and today was a great day for a ride - sunny - blue skies. We talked about politics (never a good idea - we don't agree about anything) - listened to music - commented on the traffic going the other way - glad it was better on our side - you know - car talk.
We arrived at Beadfest and the parking was almost non-existent. One lady was wandering the parking lot, looking for her car. We tried to help her find the car, but... no luck.
Michael was ready to park the car and go in. I didn't say anything, but I wanted to continue to help the lady find her car. I didn't want to go in. I just didn't realize it at the time. (I'm constantly missing the clues).
We parked - unloaded the scooter and went in. Michael paid for our admission and I - just - sat there on my scooter - frozen. Michael came back for me and we went in.
I was feeling completely overwhelmed, but I couldn't articulate it. We had something to take to our favorite vendor, so I suggested we start there. I know Michael likes to spend a lot of time there and I often wander around and see what I can see while he talks. I knew I could get away.
By the time we got to that vendor, the tears had started - my heart was racing - I started to panic. I did not want to see those people. I didn't want to see anyone I knew - didn't want to chat - I didn't want to be there.
I was behind Michael and as Michael started to talk to (let's call him Graham) Graham, I had started to back away. Michael turned and asked where I was going. I made a hand motion to indicate I'd be around. By then the tears were coming harder and with my head down, I turned away from him and headed up an aisle - any aisle. (Beadfest is held in a convention center and it's HUGE)
By that time I was sobbing - couldn't stop and I could feel the wave coming. I couldn't find a corner to hide - didn't want to make a scene in the ladies' room. The panic increased. The sobbing increased as I pushed open the exit door with my scooter and headed outside and to the car.
Weeping hysterically, I loaded the scooter in the car, closed the back door - sat in the car - started the car - turned the air conditioner and the radio on - and then just let it wash over me.
I don't know how long I cried. It felt like an hour, but I think it was only about 20 minutes - long enough for Michael to start looking for me.
"Where are you?", said the text.
"In the car," I answered. "I'm okay. I'll be in shortly." And then, "Do your thing with Graham. I'll be back." (Sounded normal, right?)
The worst was over. I knew I'd be okay. I just needed a few minutes to regroup.
Within minutes, Michael was in the car with me, reassuring me - telling me it was alright.
"Let's leave," he said. "Graham is putting together an order for me. I'll just go in and pick it up and we can go."
You'd think I'd jump right on that, wouldn't you? Not me.
"I'll be okay," I said in my most convincing 'okay' voice. "I just need a few minutes. I want to go back in. I think I can do it. If not, I won't let myself get in a mess, I'll just go back to the car."
I have no idea what started the flood earlier. I was concerned that it might happen again, but I wanted to see. (No, I'm not bull-headed. I'm determined)
We found a new parking spot right in front of the door - unloaded the scooter to try again.
I'd like to tell you I was fine. I was not. The tears were gone - the panic was gone, but I had a hard time forming thoughts or connecting them. I usually like to take off by myself, but not today. Michael stayed with me - and I was grateful.
There were a couple of vendors I wanted to see, but I was having a hard time remembering what it was that I wanted from them. Michael patiently showed me several things, reminding me of some that I had purchased in the past. It seemed to take forever, but I found some things that I wanted - Michael did the math (I could not) to make sure we got the wholesale price - and we were done.
One more vendor - again, I could not do the math - couldn't pick colors - had a hard time differentiating sizes. Michael nixed one of the colors I had chosen. I laughed. He was right. Ugly! By the time we completed that purchase, I was markedly better.
Michael had to go back to Graham's area to pick up our order and I said I'd go too. "I can do this," I told him. "I'd like to see Graham and Wendy (yes, let's call her... Wendy) and say 'Hi'."
It went okay. Wendy showed me some new things (she's so smart - and so creative) and we talked about their business and our business - compared notes - laughed (okay, I didn't laugh, but I did smile) - and enjoyed each other's company (well, they enjoyed Michael's company and we both enjoyed their company). Always hard to leave when we talk with them, we heard the announcement that the building would be closing in a couple minutes. Vendors were draping their goods, closing up until tomorrow. Michael and Graham were still talking. I told Wendy I was going to just drive away and see if Michael would leave. She laughed and gave me a big hug.
I lost my mind at Beadfest today, but thankfully, before the end of the day, I was able to find most of it again. I'm afraid the rest is gone for good.
Well... this weekend is Beadfest and Saturday is the day we usually like to go.
I wasn't feeling my strongest this morning, but I didn't say anything to Michael. "We love Beadfest", I reminded myself.
It's about an hour drive and today was a great day for a ride - sunny - blue skies. We talked about politics (never a good idea - we don't agree about anything) - listened to music - commented on the traffic going the other way - glad it was better on our side - you know - car talk.
We arrived at Beadfest and the parking was almost non-existent. One lady was wandering the parking lot, looking for her car. We tried to help her find the car, but... no luck.
Michael was ready to park the car and go in. I didn't say anything, but I wanted to continue to help the lady find her car. I didn't want to go in. I just didn't realize it at the time. (I'm constantly missing the clues).
We parked - unloaded the scooter and went in. Michael paid for our admission and I - just - sat there on my scooter - frozen. Michael came back for me and we went in.
I was feeling completely overwhelmed, but I couldn't articulate it. We had something to take to our favorite vendor, so I suggested we start there. I know Michael likes to spend a lot of time there and I often wander around and see what I can see while he talks. I knew I could get away.
By the time we got to that vendor, the tears had started - my heart was racing - I started to panic. I did not want to see those people. I didn't want to see anyone I knew - didn't want to chat - I didn't want to be there.
I was behind Michael and as Michael started to talk to (let's call him Graham) Graham, I had started to back away. Michael turned and asked where I was going. I made a hand motion to indicate I'd be around. By then the tears were coming harder and with my head down, I turned away from him and headed up an aisle - any aisle. (Beadfest is held in a convention center and it's HUGE)
By that time I was sobbing - couldn't stop and I could feel the wave coming. I couldn't find a corner to hide - didn't want to make a scene in the ladies' room. The panic increased. The sobbing increased as I pushed open the exit door with my scooter and headed outside and to the car.
Weeping hysterically, I loaded the scooter in the car, closed the back door - sat in the car - started the car - turned the air conditioner and the radio on - and then just let it wash over me.
I don't know how long I cried. It felt like an hour, but I think it was only about 20 minutes - long enough for Michael to start looking for me.
"Where are you?", said the text.
"In the car," I answered. "I'm okay. I'll be in shortly." And then, "Do your thing with Graham. I'll be back." (Sounded normal, right?)
The worst was over. I knew I'd be okay. I just needed a few minutes to regroup.
Within minutes, Michael was in the car with me, reassuring me - telling me it was alright.
"Let's leave," he said. "Graham is putting together an order for me. I'll just go in and pick it up and we can go."
You'd think I'd jump right on that, wouldn't you? Not me.
"I'll be okay," I said in my most convincing 'okay' voice. "I just need a few minutes. I want to go back in. I think I can do it. If not, I won't let myself get in a mess, I'll just go back to the car."
I have no idea what started the flood earlier. I was concerned that it might happen again, but I wanted to see. (No, I'm not bull-headed. I'm determined)
We found a new parking spot right in front of the door - unloaded the scooter to try again.
I'd like to tell you I was fine. I was not. The tears were gone - the panic was gone, but I had a hard time forming thoughts or connecting them. I usually like to take off by myself, but not today. Michael stayed with me - and I was grateful.
There were a couple of vendors I wanted to see, but I was having a hard time remembering what it was that I wanted from them. Michael patiently showed me several things, reminding me of some that I had purchased in the past. It seemed to take forever, but I found some things that I wanted - Michael did the math (I could not) to make sure we got the wholesale price - and we were done.
One more vendor - again, I could not do the math - couldn't pick colors - had a hard time differentiating sizes. Michael nixed one of the colors I had chosen. I laughed. He was right. Ugly! By the time we completed that purchase, I was markedly better.
Michael had to go back to Graham's area to pick up our order and I said I'd go too. "I can do this," I told him. "I'd like to see Graham and Wendy (yes, let's call her... Wendy) and say 'Hi'."
It went okay. Wendy showed me some new things (she's so smart - and so creative) and we talked about their business and our business - compared notes - laughed (okay, I didn't laugh, but I did smile) - and enjoyed each other's company (well, they enjoyed Michael's company and we both enjoyed their company). Always hard to leave when we talk with them, we heard the announcement that the building would be closing in a couple minutes. Vendors were draping their goods, closing up until tomorrow. Michael and Graham were still talking. I told Wendy I was going to just drive away and see if Michael would leave. She laughed and gave me a big hug.
I lost my mind at Beadfest today, but thankfully, before the end of the day, I was able to find most of it again. I'm afraid the rest is gone for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment